How to Bounce Back After Failure
"It's not what happens, it's what you do with it." - Dr Edith Eger
To be where you are today, I can bet you have had to overcome obstacles. A senate report on women entrepreneurs identifies three particularly unique challenges you might have faced:
1. Lack of role models and mentors
2. Gender pay gap
3. Unequal access to funding and venture capital
In 2016, women received just over 2% of investor and venture capital funding, showing a fair bit of statistical ‘failure’...
BUT, despite the hardships, women just come back stronger. In that time, women-owned businesses grew 21% over five years, and at a higher rate than others. In the States, female-led companies represent about 42% of all US businesses now and are driving economic growth!
Failure is a learning opportunity... and a necessary part of the journey as a woman leader. When you encounter it, there’s a choice; to wallow in disappointment or to literally set it alight, turning your fail into fuel for doing better next time.
Let the perceived ‘failure’ become your freedom. If you really think you’ve failed at something, it means that something has ended. That means now, you’re free to take the next steps.
Flip Your Mindset
Often what we call (and perceive to be) failure, is actually circumstance. Maybe you didn’t get the pitch you wanted... Failure is only the feeling you get from the circumstance; in this example, someone separate from you decided to try a different path than what you’d suggested.
Perhaps that week a similar idea was already implemented, or someone was off sick and your contact was running at reduced capacity. Although failure, and the disappointment it brings can be painful, remember that sometimes not getting your outcome may actually have little to do with you at all.
It’s an effective stoic philosophy employed by female CEOs and entrepreneurs all over the world, and a topic frequently discussed on the TED stage. The idea is that “You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
Try to take an objective view. How would you advise a friend in the same situation? Have the imagined conversation out loud— objections, excuses, comebacks and all. Listen to that advice because deep down, you know your situation best.
Accept Responsibility Not Negativity
Feelings of failure stem from disappointment you’re harboring in yourself. Yes, that’s a jagged pill to swallow, but the quicker you accept it the smoother the journey through will be.
View the situation empirically. You may not have control of the final outcome, but there may be steps you could have taken or refined to improve your odds. Remove your personal emotions and instead of blaming others, analyze the wider reasons why you failed.
For the pitch example, could you have submitted it earlier or asked for a second, third or fourth opinion? What’s the source of that nagging feeling that is causing you to think you have failed? Be honest about where it stems from.
This allows you to tap into the magic of learning, opening opportunities for the future.
Often, though we notice positive things first, remembering negativity is hard-wired into our self-preservation. It’s how we know what food is safe to eat, and what dangers consist of!
Take the lesson. But don’t dwell. You can not only learn from it and make better decisions in the future, but by analyzing it in a detached way you can take some of the pressure and negativity away from yourself.
Try a Time-Based Approach
It’s a cheesy saying, but time really can be the best healer. However, that doesn’t mean you have to sit around to wait for things to resolve.
Ask yourself how the perceived failure may look in six months, twelve months, and then three years. Do this for three scenarios: worst case, best case and the most likely case.
It will help clarify actions you can take to steer you away from the worst outcomes, and also whether all the stress is even worthwhile (if actually in 12 months the remnants of the failure are likely to be long forgotten).
No matter the seemed size of the failure, the world will keep turning nonetheless and recovery is possible. Setting a schedule for it reduces overwhelm, creates a plan of action and formalizes the light at the end of the tunnel.
Bottom Line
Accept that failure can, and does, happen. It’s how you choose to rise above it that truly counts. Learn to embrace the life lessons failing teaches.
Female-founded companies do face some real challenges. Fortune recently released a story on how venture capital funding boomed in 2020, but women’s share of the pie shrank to 2.2%. Yet with that small percentage, we’ve seen how the whole economy wins. It’s now in our hands, to see how 2021 fares!
Women have shown time and time again, we can do more than just stand up against the knock-downs.
Don't dwell on failure, focus on the next opportunity and make that one into a success. Don't let the fear of failing stop you from stepping up to try. Failure is temporary, but learning continues forever. Every attempt you make brings you closer to your goal.
Keep trying and enjoy how high you bounce back.
Published 3 April 2021 for Empowering a Billion Women
